Three Years Ago

As I write these words, it has been three years since we got the phone call that drastically changed our lives. During these last 3 years many of you have prayed for our family, supported us and encouraged us, and needless to say we still covet your prayers and support.

People still ask, “How are you doing?” My usual answer is, “We’re doing OK.” That’s a qualified answer. Frankly, some days we do pretty good, other days are still very hard. The grief has translated into mourning, but we still have times when we grieve very deeply.

I have used this terminology before, but there is still a hole in our lives where our daughter once was. There is a hole in our hearts that will never be filled by anything or anyone else. We loved her, and we love her still. Our depth of grief is an indicator of the depth of our love for her.

I've thought a lot about many things over the last three years. I’ve thought a lot about heaven. I've known lots of people who have died and are in heaven now, including my grandparents and some of my close friends. But when a parent loses a child it's a different thing. You feel like a piece of you is in heaven. It’s where Heather is now and the recognition of that fact changes how we grieve and mourn. Paul talked about it in 1 Thessalonians…

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 1 Thessalonians 4:13

Paul says as Christ-followers we don’t grieve in the same way as non-believers who have no hope. We have hope because we know we will see our daughter again, in heaven. That does give us hope and peace, but it doesn’t take away all the hurt.

I’ve also thought a lot about the “why” question over the last three years. You’ve heard it before, or maybe you’ve even asked it. Why does God allow (fill in the blank)? The proverbial statement goes something like this: If God is so good and loving, why does he allow bad things to happen?

There’s a fundamental problem with that statement. It begins with the thought that maybe God isn’t good and loving. It also implies that I know more about it than God does; that maybe I should be in charge of everything because I would have made different decisions that would have obviously been better decisions than God made.

Here’s the bottom line – God isn’t good because I’ve decided he’s good. He’s good because he says he is good, and he proved his goodness once and for all at the cross. Jesus said it this way…

"No one is good—except God alone.” Luke 18:19

God is good whether I believe it or not. God is good no matter what my circumstances look like. God is good! I don’t say that because life is always good, or easy. I say it because it’s true.

So here’s the thing I’ve had to remind myself so many times over the last three years – God’s decision to bring Heather home was a GOOD decision. How could it not be? She’s in HEAVEN! I still don’t know why it had to be so early in her life. As one author said, “We don’t live on explanations, we live on promises.” One day when I join Heather in heaven, I’ll get the explanation. Until then, I just have to trust the goodness of God, and I do now more than ever.

Comments

[Heather Mangum]

Hi Mr. Bowman,
I just found your blog and I'm glad I did. I wanted you to know that I still think of Heather often, and I still miss her. Her and I were pregnant at the same time. (the first time) I remember when we were just out of high school sitting in my car at your house. We were talking about how we wanted to truly live our lives for Christ. We had no influences amongst our friends. I remember promising each other that we would hold each other accountable.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I pray for you all as the Lord brings you to my mind. I hope you all are doing well.
In Christs love and service,
Heather (Wright) Mangum

[Jerry C.]

Dave:

I think about Heather quite often and I and Monica think of you and Susan equally if not more, which translates often into prayers. A great memory I have of Heather is pushing her around in that chair during Rez House services! Praise God for her legacy. Love you guys.